Spud of the Corn Maze
by corneroffandom
Summary: Haunted Houses and British men with overactive imaginations never mix well.


The room is dark, quiet. Soft footsteps pad over the carpet and a soft hand touches his back, Ethan exhaling softly as Spud settles down next to him on the bed. "I can stay home with you, sir. I doubt tonight's going to be much fun without you anyway," he says, eyes wide and fixed on Ethan's sleepy, pale face.

"No, you should go out. Ryder, Slater and Ricardo will probably cry the rest of the year if you're not there," he says. "Besides this way I don't upstage anyone else with how good I looked in my costume."

Spud sighs and leans in, kissing him. "It's unfortunate you helped decide on the theme this year and won't even be able to dress up," he sighs.

"I suppose," he murmurs, arm curling around Spud's midsection and drawing him closer. "You make a handsome Jack Dawson." Snapping Spud's suspenders, he chuckles as Spud hisses out a breath. "Just avoid boats and icebergs, hm?"

"I'll do my best, sir," he exhales, trailing his hand down Ethan's chest. "You have to stay in bed and rest as much as possible though. I'll only be gone a few hours, and then I'll tell you all about their shoddy attempts at dressing up as various Leonardo DiCaprio characters."

Ethan nods, his fingers still tracing up and down the suspender straps. "I'll do my best," he teases.

"I'll have my phone on vibrate, call if you need anything," he urges him, reluctant to pull away but knowing he has to.

"Mm hmm," Ethan sighs. "I'm probably just going to sleep. And ignore whatever brats come by for candy."

Spud chuckles and leans in for another kiss. "The lights will be off, sir. No one'll disturb you. I'll see you later."

"Have fun," he sighs, listening as Spud gets up and wanders around, collecting a couple of things and quietly leaving the house. Rolling over, Ethan falls back asleep, relieved that his hip pain is dull enough that he can do so.

As soon as Spud pulls up in front of Alberto's mansion, he adjusts his suspenders and brushes his fingers through his hair, walking up to the front door and ringing the doorbell. Sofia beams at him as soon as she answers, leading him to the others. He stands in the doorway and examines them- Alberto dressed in a crisp, white suit with a golden tie, Ricardo wearing a ragged old grey jacket and white undershirt with a brown cap. Dolph has on a taupe suit with a matching hat, a garish tie with a wild, whirly pink design raining down the haphazardly knotted fabric, while Zack wears a brown leather jacket, dark blue shirt and stone tinted slacks, his hair for once not spiked up and instead slicked back. Heath is wearing a red ballcap with BB scrawled upon it, a bright yellow shirt and a striped brown tie, Wade standing next to him in a rust-colored jacket with large buttons roving up the blue underside of his collar and a dust colored vest covered in eyelets.

Spud smirks at them all before thanking Sofia and walking forward. "Hullo, everyone."

After the others echo hello, Alberto raises an eyebrow at him. "Where's your better half?"

Spud rolls his eyes before pressing his hands into his suspenders. "He's recovering from an injury so he's at home resting. You're stuck with just me tonight."

Zack steps forward and claps him on the back. "That's ok, bro, we'll still have fun." He pushes Spud closer and squeezes his shoulders before rejoining Dolph. "So, can you guess who we all are?"

Spud looks them all over, reflecting on his movie knowledge before going in a straight line. "Amsterdam Vallon, Jay Gatsby," he says, pointing to Ricardo and Alberto individually, "Teddy Daniels and Dominic Cobb," Dolph and Zack, "Arnie Grape and Hugh Glass," he finishes up, nodding at Heath and Wade. "And I am..."

"Jack Dawton," Wade drawls lazily, brushing off a bit of lint from his vest. "So who was Carter going to be? Gatsby was taken..."

"Jordan Belfort," Spud says, inching towards the food table. He'd been so busy convincing Ethan to stay home, and then putting together the final pieces of his costume that he'd not ate much this afternoon. He exhales as he bites into one of the homemade pizzas that Sofia had made for them, finishing it quickly and grabbing a second slice before going for the pitcher of apple cider, pouring himself a decent sized glass before joining the others. "So when are we going to the haunted house?"

"Trick or treaters usually stop coming around 7," Ricardo says. "We'll leave some candy with Sofia just in case, and then we can go."

Spud nods, smiling a little. "That's fine," he says before grabbing another piece of pizza and inhaling it while Wade and Alberto watch him incredulously. "What?" he asks, vaguely defensive.

"Where do you put all of it?" Wade snarks, tapping at the brim of Heath's hat until he swats him away with a short laugh, shaking his head at him.

"You're awful," Heath sighs, rolling his eyes. They start milling around the living room while they wait, Spud still eating pizza and peeking into the candy bowl while Dolph messes with Zack's leather jacket. Alberto and Ricardo come and go as kids arrive for candy, the number seeming larger than the year prior, Ricardo's smile growing wider as the bowl becomes emptier.

Finally 7 PM arrives and the gate buzzer hadn't gone off for about fifteen minutes so they file outside and get into one of Alberto's roomier cars, not quite a limo but seats facing each other like one, Ricardo, Alberto, and Spud sitting on one side while Heath, Wade, Zack and Dolph take the other. It's a short drive to the haunted house, Spud sipping more apple cider while the others look at a pamphlet explaining some of what to expect. "So it's a cornmaze?" Heath wonders, squinting at it in the half-light.

"Some of it," Ricardo says, turning the page and then sticking a picture of an almost flawlessly made up zombie into Heath's face, causing him to recoil.

Spud exhales, tugging at his clothes, rethinking his costume idea. "One of you will save me if they try to pick me up by my suspenders and carry me away, won't you?"

Dolph laughs until Zack elbows him. "Sure, bro, we'll save you. Don't worry. Barrett over there fought a bear, he'll fight them off for you."

Barrett makes a sputtering, annoyed noise but before he can properly respond, they arrive and Alberto shuts the lights off from the front panel, giving them little choice but to get out and head into the park leading into the haunted house set up. Spud exhales before pushing his way inside, Ricardo patting him on the back. "Don't worry, we'll take care of you. You'll be ok, even without Ethan here. I promise."

He smiles. "Thanks, mate. Means a lot."

-x

It's dark. Quiet. Spud turns in a slow circle, trying to find a way out. "Ricardo? Zack? Where are you?" He stammers a moment, licking his braces uncomfortably. "Heath? Anyone?" He freezes as heavy breathing starts echoing behind him. "Wh- who's there? Hullo?" He steps forward and then panicks anew when he hears something crinkle under his feet. Straw. It's the corn maze. He swallows, realizing that he must've taken a wrong turn and gotten separated from the others. "Bullocks!" he grunts, the breathing just growing louder as he tries to walk away. "I don't know you are but stop following me, it's bloody annoying!" he snaps over his shoulder.

Despite that, the breathing continues to follow him as he tries to find his way through the darkness back to his friends. "I didn't go _that_ far away from them, did I?" he mumbles, trying to drown out the sounds and distract himself. "Or am I going the wrong way..." He takes a turn and then hesitates as the breathing tickles against his neck. "Stop it!" he yells, turning to face whoever's behind him, freezing.

It's Dolph, but he's not dressed like he was before, his clothes closer to his wrestling gear, with pinks and skulls and a weird mesh of other things that logically makes no sense. Except that he's see through, glowing enough to light up this portion of the maze. Spud pales. "Yo- you're a ... you're a ghost." His eyes widening, swallowing down a scream, he turns and he _runs_ , remembering how it'd felt to be chased through the woods by Willow. _At least my ankle is 100% right now,_ he thinks, dashing into another part of the maze. He stands there, trying to catch his breath, when he feels a hand on his shoulder.

"Zack?" he wonders, turning to look just to let out a muted kind of squeak, staring at Ricardo as he smirks from behind a cloak, parting his lips just enough to reveal sharp vampire teeth, leaning towards Spud's neck as if intoxicated with the scent of his blood racing through his veins as his heart beats rapidly. He whimpers and turns, running into another of the maze's walls before scraping past it till he finds a cut in the wall and races away from the bloodsucker, nearly crying as he leans against the wall and tries to catch his breath.

"Nonononononoplease... What's happened to them all?" He chokes and tries to regain control of himself when he feels something slash the air next to him, the wind whipping through his hair, and this time he does scream, his eyes bugging out as he looks up at a werewolf with familiar green eyes, some of his fur darker than the rest. "Nooooo," he cries out, scrambling under Zack's legs and towards a patch of moonlight just visible through the next space leading further into the maze.

Once he thinks he's safe, he collapses to his hands and knees, struggling just to breathe and not entirely break down into the mess his mind's become. "Is it an annual event? Did they just never tell me, or did someone do something to them?" He sniffs, scrubbing his sleeve over his face. "I'm so confused." He's still slumped there, trying to find the energy to get to his feet, when he hears a weird shuffling noise not far away. "Oh no," he mumbles tearfully, hating himself for it but looking up in time to see a person with a shock of orange hair and pale grey skin, clothes tattered and hanging off of his shoulders awkwardly, stumbling towards Spud with his arms outstretched. "Oh my God, nonono," Spud chants, getting up to his feet just in time to outrun Heath before his zombie form could try to make a meal of his already addled brains.

Not wanting to risk putting himself at a disadvantage by collapsing to his knees again, he slumps against the wall and swallows hard, trembling. "All of them, it's bloody all of them," he tells himself. "At least Ethan is safe at home." He struggles and chokes down each breath, wanting to sink into the corner and hide but knowing that it's not feasible because supernatural creatures can see in the dark better than he can. He struggles to continue standing, closing his eyes, when he hears a vague moan. "Oh hell, no, can't I just have a minute? Bloody _please?_ " he demands, exhaling sharply but forcing himself to look up. Immediately all blood drains from his face and he tries to step back, but there's nowhere to go as he presses against the wall hard enough to hurt.

Dark, glowing eyes are fixed on him as a mummy stumbles towards him, moaning with each step. Spud looks around desperately, trying to figure out which way the next door is that won't lead him back towards Heath-zombie when he realizes that the mummy's moved faster than he'd expected, musty, disgusting breath washing over his face. Spud pushes with all of his strength, causing the mummy to stumble backwards, his bandages shifting and revealing more of Alberto's eyes, dessicated and sunken deep into his face.

"That is disgusting," Spud forces out before twisting around and running into the only exit he sees, almost running right into someone. It's Wade, he can tell just by looking at his back. "Oh, Barrett, there you are. Look, everyone's messed up, they're all supernatural beings and we need to do some-" His words die away into faint mumbles when Wade slowly turns to look at him, normal in appearance except for a thin, long stick in one hand and this odd aura about him. "Wha- wha..."

"Of course they're all supernatural beings," Wade smirks down at him. "Because I turned them all into their favorite Halloween creatures." Spud stumbles backwards, eyes wide and horrified when Wade follows him. "And now I will do the same to you..."

Spud turns to run just to scream when he comes face to face with Ricardo-Vampire, Alberto-Mummy, Dolph-Ghost, Zack-Werewolf, Heath-Zombie and... He stares in horror at the new arrival, a new kind of pain stealing his breath away. "Ethan," he exhales.

"He's the Headless Horseman now," Wizard Wade explains to him, taking a moment to examine the shadowed form sitting atop the horse, Ethan's head held in his hand and staring ahead emotionlessly. "All of your friends are here, wouldn't you like to join them? I'm sure we could find something impressive for you to be. With your size and your deep-seated anger, you'll be one of the fastest, most blood hungry that I've ever turned..."

Spud shakes his head and stumbles away, not wanting to hear this, or participate in any of it. "Heath deserved better than you," he volleys at him, choking on his own words as Wade glances at the zombie, an ugly smirk on his face.

"I've never heard him complain," he says, running a hand down the grey cheek of his significant other. "Go hold him down so I may think, my creatures."

Spud swallows hard, refusing this and turning to run. No matter how fast he runs, he hears the clomping horseshoes behind him, the mummy's moans, the zombie's shuffling, the werewolf's nails scraping against rock, the vampire's cloak whispering, and the ghost's breathing-like noises, when Spud hears it over everything else. Ethan's voice.

"Spud. Come back, Spud, we only want the best for you. Join us. It's so much fun, you'll see-"

The sound of Ethan's voice distracts Spud and he trips over a thick branch, suspecting that it might actually be Wade's wand as he twists around to watch all of the supernatural creatures that were once his friends surround him, teeth and eyes glinting in the moonlight. "Please, no- no nono..."

"Spud! Spud, wake up!" He fights against the hands shaking him, tears pouring down his cheeks as he struggles to get free, the grip on his shoulders tight enough to withstand his fight. "You're ok, I promise, just open your eyes."

His vision is blurry, his breathing is ragged, and his pulse racing in his ears is all he can hear but once he blinks a few times, he realizes. He's safe in bed, and Ethan is holding him, staring worriedly down at him. "Sir?"

"What happened? Huh? You seemed ok after you got home from the corn maze," Ethan murmurs, hugging him tighter.

Spud buries his face in Ethan's chest and exhales. "I think everyone's right- I do watch too many movies, sir." He pauses. "I didn't hurt your hip, did I?" he asks fearfully, remembering how he had been struggling.

"No, I'm fine," Ethan tells him. "What were you dreaming about?"

Spud grimaces, knowing that it's going to sound stupid, especially now that he's more awake and the dream is fading away slowly. But he tells him anyway, explaining from Wade being a wizard on down to the realization that Ethan had been the headless horseman.

Ethan's eyebrows raise. "Well, at least I'm badass _and_ have a horse in your subconscious," he says with a vague chuckle, kissing him until some of the tension leaves Spud's shoulders. "Do you think you can get back to sleep?"

"Maybe," Spud mumbles, snuggling closer. "I think so."

"Either way, you're safe," Ethan tells him. "I'm right here, anything you need. Just relax, alright?"

Spud nods. "You should get some sleep, sir. Your rehab appointment is early tomorrow. I'll be alright."

"Alright," Ethan sighs, squeezing him tighter before settling back down into the pillows and closing his eyes, quickly falling back asleep.

Spud watches Ethan sleep for a moment before burying himself into Ethan's warmth, relaxing to the sound of his breathing, closing his eyes and drifting off. He's almost asleep when he sees something grey flash against his eyelids and he immediately sits up, looking around desperately. "Ghost Dolph?" The house is quiet, there's nothing strange in the room, and Spud exhales. "Oh..." He slowly puts Ethan's arm back around him and closes his eyes. "I don't care what else I see or hear... I am _not_ looking. Nope. Not at all."

Despite keeping his face pressed into Ethan's shirt and not looking no matter what he thinks he hears, he doesn't fall back asleep until the room lightens when day starts to break.


End file.
